I have a perpetuating fear of stagnant living.
Stagnant living manifested in brainless activity, longing gazes out the window, and an unquenchable urge to keep moving forward. My life is a well-groomed compilation of ordered lists, scheduled downtime, and confirmation texts. I crave efficiency. I seek out tantalizing activities with an insatiable thirst for life.
To my apparent demise, I live for the future.
But for the past three months, I’ve neither been moving forward nor backward. No introspection; just a never-ending pattern of unfortunate events. A series of ‘what the fuck is happening’ internal dialogue. My coping process consists of the typical steps one and two: breathing deeply, and moving forward one day at a time. Simple. But for some reason, I can’t shake the feeling that I must slow down. Maybe even turn around to view what’s been trailing behind me all this time. After a culmination of what could be considered just bad luck, I’ve decided to take a closer look at the message behind the façade.
Since the beginning of my spiritual consciousness, I’ve believed that life is taking me exactly where I need to go, and that right now, I am exactly where I need to be. Always at the right place at the right time. I don’t want to live under constant scrutiny over what’s safest or what’s realistic. I don’t want to fear life. And yet, as my body flails over endless hurdles, my soul takes the beatings as a warning.
Don’t run, Karen. Walk.
Listen to your gut.
If it feels forced, don’t do it.
As of last night, I felt lost. Utterly directionless in the repetitive forward-motions. I had never felt so out of control of my own life, much less unable to get things back on track swiftly and without fanfare. I was afraid of living… until I stumbled upon a blogpost about the upcoming Super Full Moon of August 29th by Kate Rose.
We are already in the build up phase to this moon, and may be feeling like we are barely treading water through the murky depths of our emotional world.
It may seem like we won’t make it through this challenging time—but trust that we will.
Sometimes we reach certain points in astrology where the cosmos stop us in our tracks so that we can make sure that moving forward we are acting in the best interest of ourselves and our hearts.
We are being asked to sit quietly and see if where we are is truly where we want to be. We are quite frankly being given a time out by the Universe. Sometimes although we are adults, we don’t behave in ways that we should, or that we really want to—we all carry emotional baggage, and if we are still holding tight to those precious packages soon we become stuck and unable to move forward into our futures.
Just because things seem muddled or confusing right now doesn’t mean that we can’t correct our course so that we can see the life that we desire manifested into reality.
In order to do that though we are going to need to do more than just tread water through our emotions, we are going to need to swim the hell out of them—like our lives depend on it.
There is a difference between hiding under a rock and being in a time out—we have to make the conscious choice to sit with life as it is right now—no hiding, and no lying to ourselves this time.
And just like that, I’ve been handed a slice of astrological wisdom-for-the-soul that I am so gratefully ingesting. While I am fully aware these musings should be taken with a grain of salt, I see this passage as the sign that I’ve been waiting for. You can expect to see me on the night of the 29th, perched upon a seaside rock, recharging my crystals while crying silent tears and smiling to the moon.
But for now, Tame Impala is playing and this feels right.